This is damned good. It's deceptively light in structure but I'm floored by the details you packed into it.
And this part...
"But he had learned by then that you always had a choice. Telling yourself you did not was the coward’s way. Maybe not good choices, maybe not a path to salvation like they said in church, but there was always a choice."
"And the old man stopped pushing her around once Chester got big enough to think twice about. Something about a look that passed between father and son one day..."
Wow, this was great Stephanie. Couldn't stop reading, every line kept my attention and I wasn't expecting the ending.
Fantastic writing, Stephanie. Really liked it. Great characters, including grandma! Keep reading them books! We can hear her. Sadly he would not… “He lived now in its wake but didn’t care to dwell. It had happened, he had done it, nothing more to it.”
This line is my favourite, it oozes with so much craft and feeling: "Her smell seeped into him, changed the structure of his own, altering the trace he left in the world."
Thank you! That's so interesting because that line is the last one I added. I took out a couple sentences that weren't working there and replaced them, after much deliberation, with that one. (And of course I already have my eye on another couple of sentences that could use reworking...)
This was also my favorite line! I loved the story and was sad when it ended. Felt abrupt and too neat for him, but I suppose that is the nature of the short story. Beautifully evocative. You brought the characters and scenes to life with such ease (for the reader!). Thank you.
I’m so glad you loved the story! I wanted the ending to be abrupt here, not necessarily neat, so I appreciate the feedback. I find ending a short story so difficult. It’s something I keep thinking about: what makes a good ending for a short story? Thanks for your comments!
I want to make time to read more with an eye specifically to endings. What makes an ending “work”? I just received feedback on another story I haven’t yet published that the end failed to resolve something. So now I’m thinking about what that means especially if the resolution or shift isn’t necessarily one of closure, which I don’t think it needs to be.
Yeah, I'm trying to find more time to turn a critical eye to endings, too.
There was a really great piece about the different types of endings that I read here on Substack last year sometime. I'll see if I can find it. It gave me a lot of food for thought.
Some excellent writing here. Well done @Stephanie Sweeney!
Thanks so much, Abhinav!
AWESOME
Thank you, Tom!
good read, perhaps one too many diversions in the story
Thanks for the comment and feedback, Glenn! That’s certainly a balance I wrestle with finding - how much to tell and how much to leave unsaid.
Your prose is incredible! This was a beautiful story.
Thank you, Bridget!
Just brilliant. I could read a book about Chester and Diana.
I'm glad you enjoyed them! I loved writing them.
This is damned good. It's deceptively light in structure but I'm floored by the details you packed into it.
And this part...
"But he had learned by then that you always had a choice. Telling yourself you did not was the coward’s way. Maybe not good choices, maybe not a path to salvation like they said in church, but there was always a choice."
Thank you for that, J., means a lot.
"And the old man stopped pushing her around once Chester got big enough to think twice about. Something about a look that passed between father and son one day..."
Wow, this was great Stephanie. Couldn't stop reading, every line kept my attention and I wasn't expecting the ending.
Thank you, Tiffany! Glad it kept you hooked.
“He used to play church there, passing around a pie plate for tithes in her living room.” The detail is marvelous! I really enjoyed reading this.
So glad you enjoyed it, Ingrid! Thank you.
Fantastic writing, Stephanie. Really liked it. Great characters, including grandma! Keep reading them books! We can hear her. Sadly he would not… “He lived now in its wake but didn’t care to dwell. It had happened, he had done it, nothing more to it.”
Thank you for that! I was so sad for his grandma.
Superb, Stephanie. So much detail packed in here.
This line is my favourite, it oozes with so much craft and feeling: "Her smell seeped into him, changed the structure of his own, altering the trace he left in the world."
Thank you! That's so interesting because that line is the last one I added. I took out a couple sentences that weren't working there and replaced them, after much deliberation, with that one. (And of course I already have my eye on another couple of sentences that could use reworking...)
Your deliberation was well considered ;)
This was also my favorite line! I loved the story and was sad when it ended. Felt abrupt and too neat for him, but I suppose that is the nature of the short story. Beautifully evocative. You brought the characters and scenes to life with such ease (for the reader!). Thank you.
I’m so glad you loved the story! I wanted the ending to be abrupt here, not necessarily neat, so I appreciate the feedback. I find ending a short story so difficult. It’s something I keep thinking about: what makes a good ending for a short story? Thanks for your comments!
This is also something I really struggle with and am constantly thinking about.
I want to make time to read more with an eye specifically to endings. What makes an ending “work”? I just received feedback on another story I haven’t yet published that the end failed to resolve something. So now I’m thinking about what that means especially if the resolution or shift isn’t necessarily one of closure, which I don’t think it needs to be.
PS here's the one I was thinking of (see other comment):
https://open.substack.com/pub/rebeccamakkai/p/lets-end-things-part-1
Ah thank you! Saving to read.
Yeah, I'm trying to find more time to turn a critical eye to endings, too.
There was a really great piece about the different types of endings that I read here on Substack last year sometime. I'll see if I can find it. It gave me a lot of food for thought.
So good!! Really enjoyed reading about these two!
Thanks, Daniel! I'm glad you enjoyed it!